The truth is fathers do cry
Mar 29 2007
Steve Bayliss **
Pontypridd Observer
Most fathers know what it is like to be greeted
at the end of the day with those welcoming, loving words, 'Daddy's home' - to
sweep their children up into their arms and ask how school was.
But imagine you haven't seen
your children for six weeks, six months ... or even six years. How would you
feel?
Could you just say, 'oh well' and get on with life and never look back? Or
would you do whatever you could to see them and be a part of their lives?
In the absence of their children, many fathers
can't just simply 'move on.' When it happened to me, I never realised how
painfully slow and emotionally destructive sorting matters out through the
family court system could be.
There's a saying that 'Men don't cry,' but it's
just a saying. Men do cry, maybe not in public, but behind closed doors while
browsing through old photos of their children.
However, there came a point when some men
grew sick of just crying and hoping things would one day turn out all right.
They called themselves Fathers4Justice and decided they would 'shake things
up' a little.
Mahatma Gandhi said: 'Be the change you want to
see in the world.' F4J decided to be a force for that change - and I opted to
be a part of that. And while not everybody agrees with their tactics,
hopefully many will agree with their cause.
I think the reason some people disagree with
F4J is because of a number of misconceptions; one of which is that it is just
for fathers. The title of the group, then, is perhaps a bit misleading;
especially since they claim one third of the group is made up of women and
also a number of grandparents.
Fathers4Justice isn't about a battle of the
sexes, but about a child's right to enjoy a loving relationship with both
parents.
Another misconception is that all the
members of F4J have been prevented by court rulings from seeing their children.
Some assume therefore that these dads are just 'thugs' who are unwilling to
take NO for an answer. Those misconceptions are far from the truth.
Many F4J members DO have a
right to see their children but it is frequently not enforced by courts when
the resident parent breaks the existing contact order.
Fathers generally get a raw deal when it comes
to contact orders. Even where there is one in operation, dads are often only
allowed to see their children for two hours a fortnight - and then only under
supervision. You can imagine how painful it must be, then, when no one is in
when dad calls round for his fortnightly visit; or the children are 'ill' on a
regular basis and so can't see him that day. And yet fathers pay thousands of
pounds to go to court, and the emotional pressure and financial sacrifices can
be huge; at times resulting in bankruptcy or even suicide.
The stunts F4J have been
involved in have caused much controversy. What people don't realise is that
fathers have tried the 'sensible' route, but the Government refuses to listen.
There is little wonder then that dads resort to such methods in an effort to
gain equal treatment.